CDF: From Joyful to Creative

I head into each new year full of optimism and hope. I select my CDF’s based on the goals and dreams that spring out of that hopefulness.
But then?

But then…

But. Then.

The world as I know it topples, it slides off the rails, hits the skids, turns into the train wreck from hell. Expectations implode, pieces splinter and fly off, I grind to a complete stop. Immobilized. That’s what happened to me today. My daughter wants to- she chose to- live with her dad temporarily. My world is spinning in someone else’s orbit for a few months. My sister testified against me on her behalf- a complete, devastating betrayal. Her need to “help” translated to handing the explosives to the man who detonated our lives without looking back 11 years ago, instead of stepping up and taking temporary custody herself while we stabilized and re-established boundaries with a manipulative teen.

So I headed into the year, seeking and creating joy. My joy is gone. The profound, bereft sadness is overwhelming. As I sit staring at my journal, wondering how I can possibly find joy, I realize that for now, I can’t.

I simply can not.

What I CAN do is build a new environment for her to come home to, something to truly make this decision, this choice, temporary. And that will take creativity, a fresh approach to old/new goals and ideas. Outside the box thinking to change our finances and get up out of this mobile home park once and for all. Forward movement at breakneck speed: the twofold benefit is that it will leave no time to think and focus on my grief, and it will provide the lifestyle and the dreams that she and I have been dreaming for eleven years. Who wouldn’t want to come home to that? And when that happens, all JOY will return!