CDFs: Happiness vs. Anger

For the past few years, I have dismissed “happy” as a potential Core Desired Feeling (CDF) out-of-hand. It seemed like an empty, assumed, and sort of pretentious choice. So I avoided it. Completely. But this year, I realized that, truly, it was the “elephant in the room.” Of course I wanted to be happy! Who didn’t? And what’s wrong with claiming that desire? Short answer: Nothing. So THIS year my primary CDF is happiness.

I’ve spent much of my adult life being angry. In most cases, justifiably so. I have chosen to deal with life’s hurts, disappointments, inequitable and unfair circumstances with anger as a self-protective strategy to cover any pain, fear, sadness, and depression- successfully, overall. I have chosen anger over tears for two reasons:

  • If I start crying, I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop.
  • Crying is weak, leaves me further vulnerable, and changes nothing. I’ve been on my own for most of my adult life with no one to lean on. I don’t have the luxury of being weak. Not. Even. A. Little. Bit!

I recently found this quote: “You need only claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take some time, you are fierce with reality.” ~Florida Scott-Maxwell

I love the image of being “fierce with reality.” Coming to terms with my anger, and choosing happiness instead, allows me a ferocious strength in my joy and in our future.

With much ferocious love,

~J~